I Can Attest – He is Real!

I Can Attest – He’s Real!

This is not a fluff piece.  It’s the story that resulted from tweeting, emailing and, recently MEETING Chase Adams.  The relationship with him dramatically altered my experience with twitter and provided an unexpected opportunity to test the “humanness” of social media.

Meeting Chase allowed the student in me to examine the nature of our exchanges, question the meaning of the words and see if my intuitive read matched the “real person”.  After sending hundreds of tweets into the “stream” only to hear silence, I could finally share each blunder, hiccup, pinch, warm fuzzy and moment of confusion with another human, in the flesh.  It turns out that humanity in the virtual world has very few differences from that of the real one.

On that note, let me fast forward to seat 23E, preparing to land in Atlanta.

Thinking on the plane…what should I do when I see him? I’d really like to jump up and down, scream CHaaaaaase, and then give him a great big hug.   No, I can’t do that –  unacceptable and he’ll think I’m odd.  I could be cool and look around the atrium with no obvious focal point, casually zero in on him and say with my eyes wide, surprised, OH!  Are you Chase?

Finally, there he was – 15 feet away – leaning with arms crossed, hanging back.  Instantaneously, my previous plans vanished;  I mustered my most friendly, “unpuppydoggish” self and sheepishly asked –  Chase?

Score One for the RealChaseAdams! He showed up, patiently waited even though I was 3 hours late and made our meeting happen.

First things that surprised me:

Chase was a real collaborative guy who didn’t just decide stuff, but included me in creating the evening.

Score Two for the RealChaseAdams! He could relate, interact & generate a relationship without hiding behind a computer.

Meeting Chase, IRL,  produced a weird sensation.  My heart knew him but my brain didn’t.  I almost reached over and actually pinched him just to prove to myself that he was physically present, but restraint prevailed.  With this additional  visual-sensory input, I had a lot more to process – quickly.  The tilt at the edge of his smile, the twinkle in his eye, the way he moved his fingers when he reached for his “sweet tea” – all new input.  It’s the physical that we miss in the virtual world!

We covered lots of topics!

We were having a great conversation when quicker than I could say, “This is fantastic”, we dropped – Kerplunk! into a relationship “thing” that typically occurs only after knowing someone for some time.  Most “things” test the substance of a relationship.  And I wasn’t sure that one created in the virtual world could support the weight of a “thing”!

SNAG! ...heart racing...PANIC!  (What happens if we decide we don’t like each other?)

By way of background, we’d registered for @jonmorrow’s blogger apprenticeship program.  I was impressed with Chase’s ability to engage other members of this community.  He gave great feedback!  I followed – he followed back.  We then began trading tweets during Hurricane Earl.  Are you expecting the hurricane to hit hard?  Your name reminds me of a soap star.  Why are you driving in this nor’easter?

Lighthearted exchanges grew into a sense of connectedness, and we started sharing emails.  After a couple of “Wow, you’re pretty amazing’s” and “Can’t wait to see where you go next”, Chase asked me for feedback about something he was writing.

In my desire to illustrate my commitment to him, I responded with the smartest stuff I had to offer – but I was hesitant because I didn’t know how he’d react.  Over the next week or so, while participating in #usguys,  I started to sense my interactions with him had changed.  I pondered this for a while and then wrote to him and asked, “What’s up?”

At “the moment” at dinner, we talked about that blip and what had really happened.

I found out he was troubled by my feedback.  It turned out that I missed the point entirely.  Chase was wanting me to understand his concerns about pursuing a new job opportunity and what he got from me was an intellectual critique.  In my distorted attempt to provide substance, I bungled the chance to care about his feelings and him “as a person”.  This landed like a 2000 pound elephant given my intense commitment to relate deeply to others.  I played small and convinced myself it would be unwelcome in a “virtual” relationship.

I had an “alfalfa sprout” moment at dinner with Chase.  The kind of learning that’s fresh, unplanned and shocking to your ego.   Chase could’ve avoided telling me the truth and blown it off deciding this was too intense for a twitter connection.  But, he didn’t.  And precisely because of this, the tie between us grew closer.

Winning Score! This went straight to my heart.

Chase Adams connected with me through 140 characters.  He communicated with me through emails.  He influenced me to participate in #usguys.  He caused my participation in social media to become vital, compelling  and supportive.  And then, in real life, Chase was willing to risk it all and share a negative with me.

Turns out that the virtual world is no different than the physical one.  The venue doesn’t matter.   It depends entirely on our capacity and desire to build relationship.

Chase knew that.  Sentiment CAN build within 140 characters.  I could’ve discovered that this sentiment was a figment of my imagination.  But because of “who” Chase  is, the reality far exceeded my expectation.  I didn’t have to pinch him to determine that he is, in fact,

The Real Chase Adams!

Sandra Parrotto is fascinated by self development, creative expression, intimacy & relationships.  She is the owner of Qstreet, an organizational development, leadership and coaching consulting company.  Theguidequest website, scheduled for launch in April, will provide online training and coaching career opportunities.  She can be reached at sam @ qstreet.com, on twitter @qstreet and fb as Sandra Parrotto.